"One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life." -- Chinese Proverb
It's interesting how I find myself naturally coming back to similar themes at similar times of the year. This makes sense as the natural world is cyclical and that is where I draw my inspiration. However each time I feel and explore a theme I experience it a little differently. My experiences through a whole year will have changed me in some way, hopefully I have grown a little, lost my ego a little, opened my eyes and mind a little. Yet as themes repeat and perhaps certain aspects seem to call my attention again, it's a reminder that this is a lesson I have yet to fully learn. I am by nature impatient and can easily give up. This stems from a lack of self belief and plenty of self doubt, unfortunately this can become a self fulfilling prophecy as we only learn through failure and practice.
As we move into January I have again been drawn to the idea of boundaries. But as I spend time sitting with my thoughts and feelings that have come up recently, whilst out in nature or on my mat, I have observed how tricky I can find it to integrate them into my daily life. The two realms couldn't feel more different at times. My daily modern life jarring against my experiences in a natural environment or state. Much like the barbed wire, a jarring man-made object in a natural environment. It can feel like an assault on the senses to go back into our modern way of living after spending time immersed in nature or on my mat, connecting to a primal, instinctive voice.
Perhaps you resonate with this, or can maybe relate it to returning to work after a relaxing holiday. Intentions on how we plan to prioritise self care for example, can feel unnatural or challenging once we're back in the daily hamster wheel of life. It can be a challenge to blend the two.
Pause, step back, explore a different perspective, challenge yourself to stay and dig a bit deeper into those feelings. What are the obstacles or boundaries that separate the two and 'why' are they needed. Are you able to discern a boundary from an obstacle? Superficially they look very similar, but taking a little time and exploring your feelings around them, challenging your perspective, can be illuminating - albeit a little uncomfortable!
The gap between a reaction and a response is the barbed wire - uncomfortable.
This barbed wire is separating two pieces of land, the purpose of that boundary is to keep the horse contained and to keep me out, essentially seperating us. I saw the horse and felt completely safe because if it did anything that I felt scared by I had the barbed wire between us. I considered how I would feel if the wire wasn't there - scared, as these animals are huge and strong. I would respect the power of this animal more. The boundary stops me tuning into my natural instincts and senses, it stops me connecting to my wild nature. Our human, socially constructed boundaries, may keep us protected but they limit our experiences and limit our potential to live fully. We learn from experiencing bad as well as good, we become more experienced, more interesting and more alive when we learn from our mistakes....rather than never making any.
We are conditioned to avoid mistakes out of fear, fear of the unknown, because we have little or inappropriate experiences of making mistakes. We are shamed or feel guilty if we make mistakes, yet they are an essential part of our growth. It requires patience as there is so much more to learn having been avoided for so long. We have been conditioned to think we should have or achieve everything immediately. Can we relearn patience, explore or remove the barriers and think for ourselves by tuning in to our senses and wild intuitive, primal wisdom? Stay a while, beyond the initial reaction, feel it. Let the habitual perceptions clear and see the world anew. Choose silence, intuitive and wordless experiences, choose what you are feeding your body and mind.
How do these words land, how do they resonate? Do they inspire, trigger or react? Like a stone dropping in water, what ripples or vibrations do they create?
All words disrupt the surface of the mind. Allow time for the surface and depths to still, gain deep clarity or a surface reflection of the external voices. Can we discern deep clarity from surface reflection, external influence from the voice of our deepest self?
Meditating on moving through the barbed wire to stand near the horse I felt trapped as if moving past or through the boundary meant I would be stuck, unable to get out. My boundary needs pulling down so that I am free to move in and out safely. If the wire wasn't there I would never get so close, so soon. I could stand back and observe it's behaviour daily until maybe each day I would get a little closer as I learn and observe a little more, starting to trust and understand each other, myself, a bit better until one day I may get just as close, but without the barrier. The difference being, that patience provides a far deeper understanding. These are wordless experiences, not guided by anything other than two spirits, two energies, two observations. No coercive control or manipulation, simply observing, learning and respecting each other. Ultimately to truly understand and respect another, we come to realise that actually we are one and the same.
We can apply this metaphor to learning our own boundaries, our selves and how we interact with others, situations and the world we live in. When the world moves at a rapid place, exerts control and manipulation, it can be hard to stop, pull back and pause, to listen observe and learn, but that I have come to realise is what I must do.
Patience is the ornament of the brave. Patience is the real badge of courage; it is equally the mark of love." -- Eknath Easwaran
It may be 'New Year' as far as society is concerned however we are still in the middle of winter, now is not the time to rush off into new habits without careful planning and consideration. Society wants us to rush into losing weight, getting fit, adopting new diets, new plans, a new life, all in the first few weeks! No wonder countless new year resolutions fall by the wayside before the end of January.
Winter is the time to be patient, to observe, to feel to learn.
Observe and learn about you, your needs and how to marry those needs with the modern world you live in, the relationships and responsibilities you have.
Like the barbed wire, observing how your 'self' and your 'life' meet, can feel uncomfortable under observation, that's where the work is needed and it requires patience and hard work.
"If we want to live wider and deeper lives, not just faster ones, we have to practice patience -- patience with ourselves, with other people, and with the big and small circumstances of life itself." -- M. J. Ryan
As always these ramblings are part of my self work, my journey and ultimately my healing. My words will land on you in some way, I hope they land gently and create ripples that clear your mind, so you hear your voice, that facilitates your path of self work, your journey and your own healing.
Classes in January and February will honour this theme by providing opportunities for challenge, nourishment and silence. We will move slowly, build internal strength and insight without wasting valuable energy. We will do this by exploring core work, balances, and gentle inversions. Spending more time questioning how and if a practice supports your growth or is an obstacle to it.
I look forward to journeying with you into 2023, on and off the mat.
Be present and blessed in both the light and the dark, Have compassion for yourself in the times that you didnt.
Om shanti
🙏
Sophia
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